WONDERLAND...

A childhood friend sent me his invitation

for his wedding..it jus made me realise his

house is located near to d place where my

family docs hospital used to be... dis was not

any hospital...it was d place where d dream to

be a doc was reinforced...


It was located in one of d most btful

serene places..absolutely quiet away from d

city..there r lotta memories attached to that

place..d banyan trees whose barks i used to

hang on as a toddler..a huge well which i at d

age of 5 thought grew d most btfuly chopped

grass..mnths later when i threw a stone

inside i realised it was a sheen of green

algae( ya i thgt algae was btful thn which

funnily if i relate to dat particular well-i still

find it btful)...this ganpati temple -now i aint

religious..bt i remember ringing d sole bell

dat hung in front of it some particular no. of

times..i liked d noise of it...as i liked d cooing

of d cuckoo-it never sounded so btful to

ears..d tiles dat lead to d hospital where i

gladly played "chip langdi"...d gynaec wards i

peeped into to see small babies,somne

dozzing off..some yawning..some potting

around..d compounder uncle who bribed me

wid sweet cough tabs dat i liked back

then-for narrating a poem....d rotating stool

in d docs cabin..you might say whtz d big deal

about d rotating stool-back then-i found it to

be a joyous ride sitting on it n whirling

around..oh n i had a lil more than few

injection shots there...some really painful

shots-i wud ask d doc for my fav nurse who

was my fav cos she wud give those shots wid

less pain-yea thr was always a comparative

degree then..i was a very enthusiastic kid

when in d docs cabin..i jus wanted to know

which colour tabs he gave for which

ailment..(yea as 4-5 yr old i thought colours r

d criteria for allotment;)evrytime i visited dat

place i wud tell d doc-"im going to be a

doctor too!" n assuming d no. of times i got

friendly wid illness--i think that must be like

a hundreds of times..



today years later when all those

memories r just brought back-i cant help

feeling dat lil stir in my heart..funnily when

those memories were being formed i never

realised dey cud make me feel dis way about

them..what was so different then? i think

those moments where i truly lived "being

myself" fearlessly without any worries..n

widout getting lost in d chaos of a world r all

worth cherishing...years go by-but d magic

never fades..someday dis day today if im

able to live "being myself" will go down as a

beautiful memory in d collection..u never

know !

LIFE IS MATH!

All through school years most of us keep dreading one subject d most- d baap of all d subjects-MATH! d fear almost makes us hate d subject itself.. today when i look back-i dont have a particular reason to have started off wid dis fear- perhaps may be cos parents pressure of getting a 100/100(sucker MATH wud take out all d possibility of an excuse-since u can score d damn 100)or may be cos most of d times uve been listening as a kid- MATH is difficult...


There was a time when i entered class 11 n d teachers wud give dese group-D, d toughest of d lot as homework..nw i really struggled for 2 hrs to get it right..n i still wudnt:( then exhaution wud demand a nap- n when i wud wake up- d 1st try wud give me d answer..yea i really cudnt figure out hw dat worked almost always...i mean a nap is all i needed?? cmonnnn! but today i have an answer...d sleep did relax me- when i woke up my half drowsy half sleepy mind surely wasnt at d peak of its so called SENSE..so im guessing it must have forgotten dat MATH is a difficult subject ! LOGIC is all it takes to be there..n reach d result.SIMPLE plain logic...i wud be a few among those handful of pple in d class of 160 to get d sum right- i wasted lot of time but i jus so wanted to get it right-not justified-i failed to sit back n jus think..may be for a while..as to why d nap worked? now i dont mean to say im superintelligent at all- but im sure most like me -jus went out thr wid a mindset-dat MATH is nevah meant to be easy..n screwed d basic LOGIC zone of d brain up!(IM REALLY GOOD AT DIS!)

Sometimes i wonder may be dats d same rule we apply to LIFE... we go out there wid dese big ideas n much bigger fear of how life sucks-how difficult it is-Most of it-cos we have been hearing all of it 4m others..or we have seen them dealing wid it..SMile is probably an expression exclusively d property of kids-yea dats d happy lot u like to see- then as we keep growing- "obliged smile " comes into pic..n d other frown muscles,anger muscles get thr huge share of exercise..Im sure life is as easy as MATH...N im sure its a mass error of jus ATTITUDE-dat makes it appear like a huge mountain...All we need is dat damn nap-dat one moment of silence n peace- every problem will not give u a solution at its 1st attempt..n gravity of evry problem will differ too-(rememebr d group a,group b, groupc, group d funda)but all u can be assured of is dat each will definately come wid a solution..n even if sometimes u r not able to reach it evry step gives u A MARK in a long run!

THE PHENOMENON OF-" I BECOME YOU!"

iDENTIFICATION CRISIS simply means a person losing d insight of what he originally is-& unconciously becoming someone whos actions have affected him in better or d worse case scenario..

The better part of it is what everyone is perhaps aware off-& dat doesnt concern me at all..its d worse case scenario-this is where "THE ABUSED BECOMES THE ABUSER EVEN IF THE ABUSED REALLY HATED D ABUSER FOR HIS ACTIONS IN HIS EARLY YEARS." this is a disease spreading in our society n its going on from generations-if a person is affected from someone close in a bad way- after a couple of years u will find d victim behaving exactly like someone he deeply disliked(a tennage child getting physically or mentally abused by father-exercises d very act he hated on his children!)..this is a defense phenomenon-so it works at a subconcious level n d person performing it isnt aware he is doing so..& the next very obvious question is-why does dis occur? this occurs cos d bad phase puts such a mark on d persons mind-dat he dsnt want to get abused again..he dsnt want to go through dat pain again-so he tries to dictate terms for others now-so dat others nevah get a chance to hurt him..what he probably fails to realise is dat he is creating another "ABUSED" in d process(the person whos d victim of his actions now)to carry his legacy ahead..

This is something dat needs to halt somewhere..why are we to make allowances for someone elses acts-We probably cant force people to change their convictions..cos dat wud be "character assassination"! Even if one might be successful to do dat ul land up wid a numb person-who will do exactly like u please-widout an element of being alive-is dat d purpose then?..Convictions r what make us-n dey r formed gradually over years..anybody trying to break those beliefs will only meet a stone wall- cos d other person gets defensive to protect d "I" dat exists inside..so how can we deal wid dis?- there is one change dat is honourable..justifiable..n in our complete power- the ability to change "ME"..d best i can do is not get affected by what anyone thinks or believes.

Life is a learning curve-n each has his own learning to do..we dont breathe for someone else..our heart exclusively beats for us-why do we have to be d mind for taking decisions for someone else then?-We cant be pushy for what we feel..dis way v r not just allowing d other persons defences to rest- but also giving him a chance to think about d scenario-in d most rational way.." Good things happen to good people!" is an illusion we need to come out of-Shit happens to d most noblest person too..d only difference is he realises dat he is much much larger than life-he would probably think-"So it happened-big deal-but seriously-"u bad phase"- u tried getting ur hold on a wrong person altogether-Im killing u here inside me right now..ur not allowed to use me as ur contagious agent to pass this viscious disease on to those unaffected-Sorry!"

MY NAkED MAN....

Take a close look at the people around you...ever saw that girl with the too much
extra dollop of make up??a guy who charms the gurls with extra sweet mannerisms &
compliments-absolutely not required ..Ive seen such people & wondered what makes them-the way they
are- & the answer is Incompetence-perhaps!They are perhaps good with the patch up work-patch up something that dey fear,if revealed will put
them at disgrace..

You see that man who stands alone in his ventures-whos just the opposite of the
ubber cool metropolitan male..perhaps who has dis irony of being too simple & yet being too difficult to
understand to the world?Ever wondered what makes him the way he is? He is someone with self
sufficient ego..he is the man not afraid to stand naked in SPIRIT-ABSOLUTE fearless..he has no
worries of what the world thinks-He has no particular interest to charm them by anything..or finds no
need to be liked for something he is not...He will appear that one man against the world without having
the need to assert himself in doing so...The charm is the very absence of it! He is self
assured..confident person whos work & actions stand for himself.His personal standards make him sacred
to the extent of UNTOUCHABILITY...

Still i wonder what makes the former appeal more to people than the
later-perhaps the kinda of person you like is a quiet reflection of who you are- or want to be
subconciously..People are too scared of these naked men-perhaps cos when they look into their eyes dey
dont find themselves or rather see just exactly what their insides are-he is the magic mirror who will
make you see what you are without alterations...n how many do u reckon have the guts for this feat?
hence no matter how many centuries pass- This man is going to be hated for his truth -for his extra
edge of competence..He is going to be detested for his indifference makes him different..he is d man
who will make people say-" U know its wierd-hes done nothing-but i get dis cold creepy feeling even
when he is around"- he is the man who effortlessly will make ur insides tossle up..He is the hero who
has it in him to beat the odds n take up dis journey of what exists to what is possible & This is the only man i would
love to LOVE-in Mind Body & Spirit to Eternity!

I AM THE HERO..I DONT WAIT FOR ONE...

Like all kids i was also very fascinated with the superman,batman (yea d guys made a bold fashion statement-by wearing whats inside on d outside!).Dis whole concept of some masked guy wid lot of super powers who wud help d needy widout revealing his true identity sure sounded amazing....When christmas wud arrive i wud actually listen to some wonderful stories from my catholic friends about how at midnight santa left a gift for them-i believed santa was a wonderful grandad who wud actually gift u whatever u wanted-all u had to do was write d wish on a piece of paper..

I was 5-6 when i actually tried dat thing out..i wrote a wish dat nevah came true d next morning..my catholic frnds recieved their gift when i dint..i wondered-"if santa was so gud like dey all say then perhaps i must have done somethng terrible to upset him...else i think he jus gifts christians".After a couple of years i obviously came to know dat santa doesnt exist at all- i was so shocked d day my friend told me-i kept thinking about it d entire day-i mean if u have been believing in something for so many years n u see so many people around u believe it too..n then suddenly someday ur world is shaken cos ur belief system is..As i grew up to be a teen,i had formed so many beliefs only cos d people i believe d most believed it- i believed in dis entity called GOD(an external power dat rules d world!)..o rite..n i believed in lot many things like friendship..love..trust..jus in d way we have been seeing it or known it for years..I sure had my curiosity ticking of all d whys n hows-but none had any answers to it..Gradually d beliefs grew stronger as d number of people believing in them did..n to all those questions i had behind my mind-i put them sound asleep!

Today im trying my every bit to wake up-d slumber sure seems pleasant-but i no more want to make allowances for myself..n i have woken up to lot of things-But d most important thing ive woken upto is dat belief system should be carefully chosen cos it not only affects U but a larger mass of people.So since belief system is so much vital i see no reason to put it at stake by laying its foundation on loose"i feel" value-i dont care how many agree or disagree to it, as much as i dont care who d authority is to question my convictions-I want nothing but truth to be its base-hence ive forlong stopped following-i dont see myself to be at d end of any set of traditions i can perhaps begin one..Hence i believe in GOD..but im not ready to believe dat he is different than me..n love,friendship or trust if not backed by a rational mind-soon wither away wid time..I think its high time we stop running away from our mind n instead start running towards it to embrace it-As a human dats perhaps d highest degree of morality i can display!

SACRIFICE-NEVAH WAS..NEVAH IS & NEVAH WILL BE NOBLE

Yesterday someone on a television show was asked-why Indian women is the perfect bride?- they said-cos she is the epitome of SACRIFICE! love n blah blah..but d old ladies quite stressed of how important it is for us to sacrifice in life-cos its noble n it sure did gather lot of appreciation from the crowd.
Theres was a big fight in my understanding this concept on sacrifice-1.Thesis-Sacrifice is a dirty word.Reason-As a kid d only thing dat quickly came to my mind when dis word was uttered was d age old custom of people sacrificing thr animals to dieties-to make them happy..to shower them with prosperity..those morons have been parasites quite clearly-why it was called a sacrifice cos perhaps till d last minute d animals every struggling move is like a silent moan-"LET ME LIVE...DONT KILL ME!" To some extent d situation is better today for animals..But we humans as usual have dis knack of spoiling things one step beyond- we still have sacrifices happening-just dat nobody realises perhaps them to be one n even if dey do dey r too scared to believe it-thats becos dese sacrifices r asked by none other than d most trusted n dear ones.I have a problem-if they claim dat dey truly love us-then why r we required to sacrifice anythng.A mother who has been aspiring her favourite bag from quite a while has to make choice between dat & her hungry childs meal-wud she even consider a minute to think wht shud be her pick? she loves her baby to the extent dat giving up on d bag wont be called a SACRIFICE! If someone has to stay awake all night to do their incomplete work-something dey truly love-dey wont say oh i burned so many of my nights!!duh..the only people who can "sacrifice" easily r perhaps who have nuthng worth to hold on to.
If theres anybody asking u to give up on something u so dearly love- take all ur courage..pick ur sandles up..activate ur sympathetics in body-n RUNNNNNNN..run for your life..no matter from whom d word comes from..Its not love dat dey do-its corruption in disguise-dey have clearly polluted d entire concept of love!If someones asking for one-it means d person is sitting at d other end to collect those sacrifices..& he/she is too niave to dis concept of love..Whatever we do in d name of love is nevah spoken off-d moment u utter d sacrifices you have to make d importance goes away.If you love something-everythng comes naturally-& sacrifice wud be such a dirty word to attach to anythng as pure as it..If something is so important to u -u not jus care and defend it-u shud love it to d extent dat u let go off d tendency to self harm too.Thats d only way to love d rest is all emotional atyachar-human weaknesses or whtever...anything but LOVE..
So Indian Bride-if "Sacrifice" is your excuse for Selfrespect-i see you only as a pioneer of dishonest n mediocre relationships-such a bride can least likely be perfect!

HUMAN ADDICTIONS...

We detest..we detest smokers..we detest dopers..n we detest drinkers- Sometimes i wonder-its nt about d act dat drives us away its abt d acts done wid weakness dat more so do.Broken homes,disturbed career..haywire marital life etc..any of it n every of it will lead to make us search for ways to cope..

i think humans r prone to having addictions rather its thr personality naturale- eg.sometimes we do things cos we r under some influence eg. Money- we make it so much as our agenda in life dat our decisions n acts get diverted accordingly(nw money aint bad at all- bt pples reasons nevah rise above-show, to have an upper edge over others,to see dat appreciative look in peoples eyes for them! sorry??)...Sometimes we r addicted to people- anythng & evrythng we do is under their influence( D CONSTANT need to be wid friends-to talk to them just for d high factor n when dey r not around d sky probably comes falling down..again having friends is nevah bad bt reasons i see around-to feel appreciated..to brood tears ONLY!)now dis might be direct or indirect..bt we anyways do it.

Sometimes it can also be like an obligation(Its much like seeing d cowdung n stepping on it-dont make dat face its as shitty as it feels!) we r scared to what d world will have to say if we dont choose their way-we try fitting in by choosing thr addictions...oh yea sometimes all of it doesnt make sense but we anyways do it...

These r addictions dat have resulted due to weaknesses & helplessness -we r trying to cope- cope wid our issues- silencing our insides...its only when u COME OUT of those influences(i.e if u do) u look back & say- Shit did i really do it? i wonder how ?u knw i dont think its me..oh yea u sound like a drunkard who wakes up in d morning jus to see around d mess he created previous night..& Yet there r these addictions we choose out of LOVE- out of personal choice wid awareness..(cud be anything-work,music..etc) Addictions dat probably dont concern any reason..or anybody else in d picture..its ur business sans d world n well its something dat wont wither away wid time-addictions for which u lose d fear of man -even God..cos its so much a part of u- dat u wud not be U -sans it! Addictions dat u wud look back & say- Wow i did it- no wonder im still happily doin it!

Point is- Most of d times its not abt acts- its about d reason behind..Any noble act wid not so good intention is still gonna fail(my retrospective studies lol).. So we r humans n we r born wid addictions- D question is not what addiction do u choose- its more of WHY u do?

P.S-d opinions in dis blog r strictly mine-ur at ur freewill of disagreement.